Full Disclosure

I’ve been gone for awhile…perhaps you noticed.

I could tell you it was the holidays but that would only be part truth.

Each time I’ve thought to sit down and write my blog my brain quickly and quietly switched gears.

–organize your files

–you need to pay bills

–I wonder what’s on Facebook

–that floor needs to be cleaned…

and any of a hundred other tasks that needed my IMMEDIATE attention.  Hours, days, and weeks passed.  Resistance won.

Truth be told, I’ve been hiding.

I’ve been hiding myself from you my readers, my clients, my friends.

I didn’t want you to know my truth.

Oh, I threw out some subtle hints but I have been anything but authentic.  I didn’t want you to know that I have moved.

I sold my interest in Open Heart Ranch to Becky and bought a house in Amherst, WI on the water.

I didn’t want questions and I didn’t want to hear “oh, I’m so sorry to hear that”.

There are several reasons I didn’t want to hear this.

First, there is no reason for anyone to “be sorry” for me.  I love my magical house on the river (and I will tell you the magical story how I found it another time).  I made this choice to move by listening to the guidance of my soul.  But my reluctance to speak publically goes deeper.

My reluctance is about feeling that I will be judged by others.  That others will feel I am “less than” because I left a relationship, because I no longer own the beautiful Open Heart Ranch, because…who knows.  The ego can come up with any number of reasons I should be “less than”.   Even though I understand “what others think is none of my business”, I am in fact a human with an ego.

The ego wants me to hide my true self because if you really knew me you couldn’t possibly love me, respect me, etc.    I suspect you have felt this too; it is our human nature.

What I know for sure is that the only way to happiness, the only way to freedom is by being completely authentic about who we are…and by loving all of who we are.  Once the dark thoughts and fears we harbor inside are exposed to the light of day they lose their power. When you are authentic, it allows others to be authentic too.  It’s liberating, it’s freeing, and it’s what we all need most.

Back to the reasons no one needs to “feel sorry” for me.

It’s disempowering when we “take pity” on another.  I realize it isn’t a conscious intention but when we pity or feel sorry for others we forget this person is very powerful.  Whatever circumstances they have found themselves in they have all the power within them to survive it and grow from it. (Taking pity is much different than praying for their highest good and trusting in the Divine plan).

Here’s why this really pushes my buttons…and I recognize clearly this is a button for me.  When someone says they feel sorry for me, “so sorry to hear that”, “wish I could change it”, etc, in my mind it makes me a victim; a victim to my circumstances.

I spent the first 11 years of my life as a helpless child; a victim to child abuse…and worse.  And I am no longer a victim.    I worked hard to recognize the indomitable spirit in me that survived a horrendous childhood AND to recognize all the many gifts that came as a result.  While my ego may see my childhood as a tragedy, my SOUL chose my experiences…ALL of them.  Those experiences are why I am who I am today.  Why I can so readily hear and feel the animals.  Why I feel so much compassion for the animals, the earth and all the people who dwell here.

I have progressed from victim to Survivor to Thriver to Illuminator.

I’m on a mission to let every abuse survivor know that they came to this world with a purposeful soul.  They came here to HEAL this world through their sensitivity, their compassion, their intuitive gifts and their indomitable Spirit.

We can be completely authentic.  We can show all of who we are because there isn’t ANY aspect of any of us that isn’t completely perfect, completely beautiful.

Wow.

That feels so much better.

Writer’s block gone.  See you next week.