A Snowshoe hare showed up in my meditation to demonstrate to me how beautifully he hides in his surroundings. He told me this helps him hide from predators. His color blends in and keeps him safe. That’s a great trait to have I thought. To blend in so you cannot be distinguished from your surroundings. There are actually many animals, insects, birds and reptiles that blend into their surroundings which has contributed to their species survival.
We humans don’t have that trait and yet, many of us have learned our own way of blending in without changing our colors to match the environment.
Often, as young children we learn that merging in with our family and friends is easier than being seen as different. I know as a young girl that could understand the animals it didn’t take very many disappointing looks or phrases like “don’t make up stories” for me to stop sharing what I heard and felt from the animals. It was easier to not “hear” them. I wanted to please others and I wanted to feel that I was like everyone else.
Children are naturally open to energies around them such as animals and Spirits that have crossed over but most learn quickly that if others don’t see uncle Bob who passed last year or their special friend, they shouldn’t either.
For the little boy that wants to play with dolls, this natural curiosity and delight is often thwarted because it doesn’t fit into our collective idea of what boys should want. It’s isn’t any different for the little girl that wants to play with the boys and never wear one of those stupid dresses!
As part of this blending in there is a natural tendency to adopt the beliefs of our parents and other influential adults in our life as we are growing up. Most of us at some point begin to question those beliefs.
In my mid-twenties I changed political parties and began to use critical thinking along with what felt true in my heart for me (much to my mother’s dismay). And truth be told, our desires for our world aren’t really that different, only our idea about how that might come about.
Much of this tendency to blend in comes from a need to please others. People pleasing is usually learned when we are quite young. After all we are completely dependent upon those taking care of us so if we make them happy, we will be safe, we will have value. Over time we run the risk of losing a sense of who we are and what we really want.
We can become resentful.
We can become lost.
We can become unconscious to who we really are.
We end up with many masks we wear for all the many roles we play. Daughter, Son, Father, Mother, Sister, Partner, Brother, worker, boss, caregiver, etc.
By my mid-thirties, there were still many aspects of life that I just sort of went along with. I still had many masks. I never took the time to feel into how the life I was living matched my inner desires. When I began to ask the question; “What is really important to me?”; “What do I want to create with my life?”, I was surprised by the answers. And honestly, the answers didn’t fit into who I had become and were not comfortable for those who shared my life.
That’s when it got really scary and uncomfortable.
That’s when making choices that were right for me no longer pleased and no longer blended in.
But I made the choices anyway with as much love and integrity as I could muster. Sometimes it felt good and sometimes in didn’t. Finally, I was living my life consciously, not one I assumed I should live based on other peoples ideas of what a good life should look like.
To be clear, there was nothing wrong with others idea of what a good life should be. It just wasn’t mine.
It’s also important to note that standing out or being different just for the sake of going against others isn’t helpful. It isn’t people pleasing… but it isn’t true or authentic either.
Digging down deep to unearth your desires, your best self, your beautiful and true self is a gift only you can give to you.
My question for you today is…
What color are you wearing these days?
Are you blending in?
Or are you standing out as your true and wholly beautiful self?
I can relate a lot to this subject Wendy, from both as a shy child who did her best to blend in like a white rabbit in the snow, to a rebellious teenager who did her best to disagree, just on principle. It took a long time to find the balance in the middle to decide what I really wanted, what really felt right, without it being about pleasing- or angering- someone else. Thanks for the nice post.